Progress!

For the last while I've struggled. To find hope and joy in life. To let go of the past. To heal. Those of you who follow my blog probably read the post I did back in November - "Through the Valley". Things take time to work through and process. I've prayed for the Lord to guide and help me through it. He's been here every step of the way.

Photo by author - Southern White Rhinoceros

To help me through, and to give me some much needed time alone with the Lord, I made a trip a couple of weeks ago to the Reid Park Zoo in Tucson. Getting away from distractions, walking, taking photographs, thinking, and praying always works well for me. It helps me regain solid ground and find some measure of peace. The zoo helped, as it generally does. But I wasn't there yet.

Photo by author

Last week, I accepted a photography challenge from MorgueFile, which meant hiking downtown to take photos. More distraction-free time for thinking and praying. Unexpected to be sure, but nonetheless appreciated. My legs are killing me from hiking those hills, but it was worth it.

This past Sunday, during worship service at church, something shifted inside me that I can't really describe. I know, that's amusing, an author at a loss for words. Well, I'm not completely.  Heaven forbid!  he he

In the middle of praise music that had me trying to hold back tears, thoughts, images, and Bible verses started darting through my head. I sat down and wrote them down, not worrying about whether they made sense or formed a cohesive line of thought. It was a challenge for my hand to keep up with it all.

I finally got it put into a cohesive form this morning (Tuesday). I feel I'm supposed to share it for any others who might be going through similar struggles.

THE IMAGE IS CLEAR

Dawn M. Turner

28 January 2014

In my mind’s eye, I see myself.

Smoke and haze hover over a battlefield,

eerily quiet and still, blocking out light.

A warrior lies there, broken and bleeding,

cut down by poisoned swipes of the swords of allies,

groaning in pain and grief over trust shattered,

opportunities rejected by those who should know better.

Light pierces the darkness.

Little more than a candle’s feeble glow

becomes the gleam of the sun across the land,

bringing comfort and assurance.

Justice will come.

Evil will be recompensed.

None shall escape.

The time for grief has ended.

The time of healing has begun.

I have been struck down, beaten and bloody,

but I am far from destroyed.

He has preserved me.

The Lord reaches down with a loving, faithful hand

to bind my wounds and heal my broken heart.

The warrior rises, not yet fit for a new battle,

but standing as the smoke and haze clears.

I seek to serve the Lord who delights in me.

Prepare me, dear Lord, to raise my sword again,

to fight for Your kingdom.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours,

and lift it up in praises to You.

Strengthen me, Lord, for the battles yet to come.

I stand for You, clinging to one certainty.

This life is transient; it withers and fades.

This pain will pass away and be no more.

The end is written.

You have already ensured victory.

In case you want to know what the Bible verses were, here's the list in nothing even resembling a logical order: Job 1:21; 2 Sam. 22:2-3, 20b; Ps. 40:11, 17; Rev. 5:8b, 21:4; Isa. 65:17; Ps. 147:3; 2 Cor. 4:8-9; Matt. 5:4; Ecc. 3:4; Gal. 5:15; Isa. 40:7-8; Zeph. 3:17; Ps. 18:19b.

God is good. All the time.

Through the Valley

I wrote the following post almost a week ago, and let me tell you, folks, it's been a less than stellar week for a lot of people. So many are struggling right now - to varying degrees and as a result of a wide array of circumstances - marriages falling apart; illness, acute and chronic, ranging from just annoying to potentially life-threatening; financial issues due to the state of the economy; hits to medical insurance due to new government regulations; career-impacting computer issues; and so much more. 

Please, folks, pray for each other. Pray for our fellow Christians going through trials you may or may not know about. Lift up family and friends. Pray for the countless lost souls that surround us. Satan and his nasties seem to be working overtime lately to wreck lives and discourage hearts. Support, encourage, and PRAY FOR EACH OTHER through the valleys.

For those of you going through various trials, no matter how big or small, remember the Lord cares about it all. Don't be afraid to ask Him to reveal His unfailing love and presence to you and to give you the strength and grace to endure the trials.

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Photo courtesy of Red at Morguefile.com

I told our pastor it's just WRONG to give a writing assignment to a congregation when he knows there are writers present. We often can't resist such a challenge (even when we want to). A couple of weeks ago, he gave us "homework" - write a Psalm. Come to God where you are, and write a Psalm.

I've been going through a dark valley, interminable in many ways. Still there. So I thought about some of the Psalms that David wrote - written from a place of pain, struggle, and despair. I got up the following morning knowing what I needed to write. I decided I should go ahead and share it.

A CRY FOR JUSTICE
By Dawn M. Turner

Lord, have You forgotten me?
The smoke clears.
Quiet descends.
I lie broken and bleeding on the field of battle,
Cut down by those who should have been allies.

The wicked prosper and gain strength and numbers.
Their evil deeds go unpunished.
They count themselves righteous
And remain unrepentant.

When will there be justice?
When will the lies be stripped away
And truth revealed?

You promise that evil will be repaid,
That they will reap what they have sown,
That their deeds will not go without reprisal.
When is that time?
When will You say “enough”?

Still, I wait, broken and bleeding.
Still, I cling to You,
Knowing the alternative is darkness,
Loneliness.
I grasp Your promises in my hands,
Praying for the day I fully grasp them in my wounded heart.
I believe, Lord.
Help me in my unbelief.

I allow God to lead my Bible reading (I'm still not back to doing it daily, but I'm working on it). I pray and ask Him what I should read that day. One of the passages He has led me to was one I'd read many times over the years, but it never struck me as it did this time. 

"But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me." - Micah 7:7-8

How's that for a loving reminder from the Father? I love the Old Testament prophets, and it never ceases to amaze me how much encouragement is tucked into those incredible books that so many see only as "doom and gloom".

Now, you may read this and wonder what it has to do with writing (other than the most obvious). This dark valley has dramatically affected my ability to write. I don't mean my DESIRE but my actual ability. Concentration, ideas, all of it have been so far out of whack as to be just about worthless. August, September, and October, I worked on editing and filling in details for the fantasy world I had created for a series of books I'm now back to working on (i.e. pure logic work). Through those three months, I had days where ideas flowed and my brain actually managed to focus, but all-told, I wrote in those three months combined what I generally write in about a week.

November came with ideas flowing again. My concentration still hasn't been on par with where it normally is when I write, but it's way better. I managed to write in 10 days more than I had written through the previous three months. So color me happy. Interesting, the pastor's writing assignment was an answer to prayer. I had been praying about the direction of my NaNovel, a fantasy novel, asking for the Lord's guidance on an element of it that had me a bit stalled. Through the pastor's writing assignment, the answer came. A book Alaina carries is full of "poetry". I'm writing out parts of it that have the most meaning to her. I hadn't written poetry in over 20 years until the pastor's homework assignment.

I continue to learn and grow through the valley, reminded often that God truly hasn't forgotten me. Justice will come. In the meantime, He continues to answer prayer, sometimes in odd and unexpected ways. I continue to try to walk in obedience, despite the darkness.

Have you had prayers answered in unexpected ways of late?

Have you ever tried writing a psalm to the Lord? If not, give it a try. Write from where you are - be it a place of pain and struggle, or joy and praise, or both! David certainly did all three. If you're willing to share what you write, please do so below.

Answers Come....

Photo courtesy of taliesin of morguefile.com

I often have people ask me (or see/hear them ask others) what they're supposed to do with their writing, or some aspect of it, or some other task. My answer is always the same - PRAY ABOUT IT.

God knows exactly what HE desires for you, your life, and your work, and He won't hide His will from you. SO ASK HIM! And don't be afraid to ask others to be praying with and for you as you seek guidance and direction from the Lord.

Sometimes an answer comes right away, within minutes or hours. Other times, a response is much longer in coming - days, weeks, months, and even years. Needless to say, that takes patience and perseverance, or we risk jumping ahead of God and His timing.

I just had one such instance in my own life - something I've prayed about for the past couple of years. I had shelved an entire part of my writing when I started praying, not wanting anything I put out into the world to be contrary to God's will for my writing. My gifts, talents, and such are His, not mine, and I didn't want to get ahead of God and do things in a way that might "seem right" to me. I don't need that kind of disaster in my life, thank you very much. (Prov. 14:12 & 16:25 are warning enough for me.)

A few weeks ago, He finally gave me the answer I've been asking for for so long. And the ideas THAT has generated have been wild and numerous. More inspiration than I ever imagined possible, and it all fits so beautifully.

God not only answers our questions, He does so in HIS time, not ours. So we must be patient and wait for His time for providing the answer we seek. BUT, we first must ask them. Too often, we don't even think to ask.

So ask! And be prepared to take a step or two or more in obedience when the answer comes. It may not be what you expect, or possibly even the path you believe you WANT, but be obedient. What the Lord provides is WAY better than anything you might imagine.

Is there some decision or need for direction that you've struggled with that you need to lay at the Lord's feet?

Life Interrupted

Photo courtesy of Melodi2 at morguefile.com

It seems like, just when life is on a smooth track and you can get so much done, it suddenly gets interrupted by things beyond your control. At least, that's how I feel lately.

The full heat of the Arizona summer is upon us, so working outdoors is out of question. Even working inside can be hard as the room we're currently hitting has no heat or cooling. Ugh. So work on our house has slowed to a crawl. At least it's still easing forward, even if very slowly.

I've been too distracted to write lately. Through the first week of June, I haven't had much success sitting down to edit either. Even as I'm preparing for the release of my third book, I can't seem to maintain my momentum. I'm spending a lot of time in prayer and contemplation instead, as well as seeking the stillness of mind that comes with crocheting (working on a couple of large projects). Sometimes I escape into old TV show re-runs on Netflix, something I can do while crocheting.

With many of life's difficulties, I find writing to be a good escape, or therapy to work through the emotional struggles that come with so many situations. But this time, one of my aunts lies dying in hospice from metastatic cancer. I've waited to receive the call any moment of each day for the last several days to tell me that she's gone. Still I wait, and she continues to slip away in painful fashion.

None of this is unexpected, but that doesn't make the reality any less difficult in some ways. I pray for the Lord to show mercy and take her quickly to end the suffering. I pray for her children and grandchildren to be ready in their hearts for her inevitable death. Some of them are believers, some aren't. I pray for my grandmother as she watches one of her children die. She's already lost two children, as well as a grandchild. Now she's losing a third. It's taken a toll.

In the last few days, I've also dealt with the loss of a beloved pet. Salt in an already raw wound of sorrow.

Life gets interrupted. By life. It really is that simple. I take comfort in knowing none of it catches God by surprise, even on the occasions it totally blindsides us. He saw it all coming. He knew the pain I and others would feel. He prepared our hearts to reach this moment in time. I wrap myself in the knowledge that He promises comfort to those who mourn (Matt. 5:4), so there's no shame in grieving the losses that come with life in a fallen, sinful world.

And as always, life will go on. Time doesn't stop under the weight of loss. It marches step-by-step ever forward. And thus it will do until God brings an end to this world and all its sufferings. Times like now, I crave that time. No more illness. No more death. No more sorrow.

And He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there shall no longer be any death; here shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away. - Rev. 21:4

But that time is not here yet. So I keep moving forward with life, walking the path God has laid before me (or at least trying to), performing the tasks He has for me, giving thanks for His loving, faithful presence through all of life's difficulties.

Lord, help me hold to the narrow way and perform the tasks You've assigned to me. Help me hold true to You, no matter what. Amen.

Should I or Shouldn't I?

Photo courtesy of kconnors @ morguefile.com

I often get asked the question "Should I self-publish? Or should I go the traditional route?" Usually it's accompanied by a great deal of confusion.

Unfortunately, neither I nor anyone else can answer that question for a fellow author. Those of us who have done either can answer questions about those areas of publishing and help navigate those waters, but we can't tell someone which way THEY should go.

My advice to those who aren't sure which direction to go? PRAY. The Lord knows exactly which route He desires you to take with each novel, novella, short story, or non-fiction He leads you to produce. If you take these decisions to Him in prayer, He WILL show you how He wants you to handle things.

God has certainly proven Himself faithful that way in my life, but we must be willing to submit our work to His will.

This means more than just what publisher or agent to approach. It can also mean:

1. Finding the right critique partners and/or editors to help polish your work prior to sending out proposals.
2. Finding the right cover designer if you're self-publishing (unless you're doing it yourself).
3. Getting connected with the right influencers.
4. Figuring out the best marketing strategies for yourself and your work (something you'll be doing no matter what route you take).

God knows where to go, and He knows what He desires for you to learn along the way. And He may desire you to go one way with one piece of work and the other with another. Lean on His wisdom and direction.

Just be aware! Sometimes the Lord will lead you in a direction you don't expect, and quite possibly outside your comfort zone. It can be a wild and scary ride, but enjoy it!

Have you already taken a step in one direction or the other? If so, what advice do you have to someone who is confused about the options? If not, what is stopping you from moving forward?